We're all mad here
by Violetta Jones
Summary: One Piece drabble/ficlets collection. Blanket M rating. Fourth: Zoro realizes that between them both, Luffy might not be one who's easier to distract, after all.
1. Food for the soul

_Author's note :_

_This is from my Mini-fic Mondays over at my tumblr (you'll find the link on my profile). You can also find the Zoro/Sanji drabbles/ficlets in my other collection, "Acknowledgment"._

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><p>Sometimes, while sitting on the Sunny's figurehead, when the wind is strong and the sky, clear, sometimes, Luffy does that thing which, however you look at it, comes suspiciously close to thinking. Mostly about food, which usually ends up with him leaving his perch to pester Sanji for a snack. It rarely ends well, because Sanji's mouth is always prompt to deny, and his feet seem to agree.<p>

Luffy doesn't mind, though. On rare occasions – possibly depending on the weather, because Luffy has no idea how Sanji's whimsical moods work – the cook gives in and feeds him. He'll grouch and complain that they just had lunch, but he'll whip up something in the bat of an eye. Luffy is often excited at the perspective of food, but not so much that he won't notice the way Sanji's eyes soften just so, as he offers him a plate filled with delicious things that smell heavenly. Like warm cookies, fresh out of the oven, or even meat if he's in a good day. It's worth trying, but surprisingly, not because of the food, but for that look in his eyes.

Of course, getting cookies doesn't hurt.

Luffy also wonders, sometimes, if any of their other crew-mates has ever noticed that look in Sanji's eyes. He wonders if any of them has noticed that he has that thing for his cook, for the way his eyes light up whenever someone takes the first bite of whatever's in the plate he just put on the table. Not that he likes him more than his other friends. They all have a special place in his heart, and he truly has a thing for every single one of them, in a way specific to each. He doesn't like thinking that, somehow, Sanji is more special than any of the others.

He can't explain it. But seeing that look in Sanji's eyes makes Luffy heart feel like it's filled with sun, warmer than the soft weight of the cookies in his stomach. Nothing really compares to it.

Not even the taste of Sanji's delicious cookies.

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><p><em>"Pairing: SanjiLuffy (platonic or brotp if at all possible) Prompt: Luffy is worried about playing favorites with his crewmates."  
><em>


	2. The weight of trust

_Author's note :_

_This is from my Mini-fic Mondays over at my tumblr (you'll find the link on my profile)._

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><p>"SANJIII!"<p>

He bombards his opponent with a series a rapid kicks, finishing with a powerful one. He turns around to look at his captain as they fly into the nearest wall.

"What the fuck do you want, shitty-gomu? Can't you see I'm busy right now?" He says, launching in a roundhouse kick to repel the next guy.

"When we're done kicking their ass, let's have a feast!" Luffy roars, sending a bunch of gritty looking pirates flying in a barrage of fists.

Sanji pauses to light up, before nodding faintly. Luffy raises his arms towards the sky, seemingly delighted.

"Woohoo! I want meat!"

He sees the man in Luffy's back, rushing towards him with a sword in his hand, a split second too late.

In the next split second, his instincts kick in.

He doesn't have time to think or apologize. He jams Luffy's hat on his head, obscuring his captain's vision and slamming his head on the ground. He then steps on Luffy's back for leverage and sends a strong kick into the sword guy's face. That scoundrel is promptly sent flying over the ship's railing.

He exhales briskly, and looks around for more suicidal idiots to kick, but there's none left. He turns back towards Luffy, who's sitting on the wooden floor and patting his hat, a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Can we have the feast now?"

Sanji refrains a groan and presses Luffy's hat low over his eyes again, hoping he won't notice how his hands are shaking.

"Be careful next time, dumbass captain," he says, his voice softer than he expected. "I know bullets and blunt weapons can't hurt you, but that guy had a sword."

Luffy bursts into laughter, and Sanji feels himself relax ever so slightly.

"It's ok, because I know you guys have my back. Right, Sanji?"

The cook sighs as Luffy's arms snake around his leg, looking up at him with eyes full of unconditional trust. He thinks his captain is really an idiot, but he can't really stay mad at him when he looks at him like that.

"Aye Captain," he says, and heads towards the galley, Luffy's comforting weight still attached to his leg.

He has a feast to prepare, after all.

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><p><em>"sanji x luffy, maybe one saving the other during a fight? doesn't have to end romantically, i just forgot how much i love this ship"<em>


	3. P R Vert was the bug

_Author's note :_

_This is from my Mini-fic Mondays over at my tumblr (you'll find the link on my profile)._

_That one was really fun to write, despite the fact it was a challenge. Also, this is obviously an accident, since Mini-fic Monday drabbles aren't supposed to be more than 500 words long. Oh well._

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><p>It had been a whole day so far. A whole day since Zoro had locked himself up in the crow's nest. None of his crew-mates knew what was wrong with him, and they were starting to worry.<p>

Every single one of them had gone up to the trapdoor and tried to get him to open it. Nami had threatened him to increase his interest rate. Sanji had tried to bribe him with onigiri, which he knew was the swordsman's favorite dish. Chopper had even begged him to get out, his big brown eyes tearing up, to no avail.

Nothing seemed to be able to make him unlock the door.

"Oi, Zoro-bro?" Franky said, gently knocking his metal thumb against the wooden pane. "If you're not getting out, I'll have to take the door out of its hinges, and I'd rather not, if you know what I mean..."

An irritated groan could be heard on the other side of the door, and that was all.

Franky looked down at Luffy, who had followed him up the ladder, and shrugged.

"So, should I do it?"

Luffy nodded.

"I don't know what's wrong with Zoro, and I want to know. He'll tell me," he added, grinning widely at Franky when the latter made an incredulous face.

"Sure. I'll leave you guys alone once I'm done," Franky finally said.

He didn't seem convinced at all.

Franky set to work, and in no time, the trapdoor slid out of its frame. Luffy wasted no time climbing through the opening, and Franky left.

Zoro was crouched on the bench that ran around the room. His eyes were intent on the ground. He had an unsheathed sword in hand.

"Zoro!" Luffy said in a loud voice. "You should come down now, because Sanji made you onigiri – ah, but I ate them all. He said he'd make more if you get out though and –"

"Shut it."

Zoro's voice was firm but quiet, and he didn't sound angry. His eyes slightly narrowed, darting along the floor, but he wasn't moving.

They remained silent for a bit. Suddenly, the cook's voice echoed from outside.

"Oi, Luffy? Marimo? You're not getting any snacks if you don't get down there soon." They could hear him climbing the ladder to the crow's nest.

"Hey," Luffy soon started again – because he'd never been very good at shutting his trap – as he took a few steps in Zoro's direction, "are you coming? Because I'd really like to get more of these onigiri Sanji said he– gah, what's this?"

Zoro's eyes quickly shifted to his captain, who had a leg raised, as if he didn't want to put his foot down.

"Oh, you got him," Zoro said, his face relaxing.

The biggest roach Luffy had ever seen was flattened against the sole of his shoe. It was even bigger than the one's they'd seen in Little Garden.

Sanji chose this precise moment to pop his head through the trap door, only to let out a scream at the sight of the giant bug. He fumbled, and apparently ended up losing his footing, because his head soon disappeared, followed by a hollow thud a couple seconds later.

Zoro snorted, before he and Luffy turned their attention back to the bug.

"Were you trying to kill that bug?"

"That's not a bug," Zoro groaned. "Look."

Slowly, the cockroach was getting bigger, and his shape soon started to change, until a round little man was lying on the ground, Luffy's sole clinging to his face. He was wearing an old-fashioned three-piece suit. Small glasses were sitting crookedly on his pudgy nose.

"That fucker has been loitering around the ship all day," Zoro growled. "He was so fast I couldn't get him, but I managed to corner him in this room."

Zoro sheathed his sword, grabbed the man by his collar, and dropped him through the trapdoor. They made their way down the ladder, onto the deck where everyone was standing around the man, aside from Usopp, who was missing, and Chopper, who was fussing around Sanji. The cook was sporting a magnificent bump on his head. Zoro snorted again.

"Shut up, shitty-swordsman! What the hell was that monster, anyway?" The cook asked Luffy when he stepped on the deck.

"It's him," Luffy answered, gesturing at the little man.

Usopp soon came back with a bucket of water, and splashed its entire content on said man. Luffy crouched to look at him closer as he slowly came to.

"Hey, are you a devil's fruit user?"

"Huh... What happened?"

"I stepped on you. Sorry!" Luffy grinned at the little man.

"Ah." He seemed to be a little more aware of his surroundings, and sat up cautiously.

"So what are you, anyway?" Nami asked, looking at him suspiciously.

The little man dusted his coat, and readjusted his small glasses on his nose.

"Goki Buri, owner of the yoji yoji fruit," he said, a slight flourish to his tone. "Nice to meet you, young lady!"

Behind her, Sanji was looking at him with a murderous look on his face as Chopper bandaged his head. As for Zoro, he already had a hand on his swords. He looked ready to unsheathe and cut the guy, who didn't miss the murderous intent.

"Is that so?" Robin softly wondered out loud.

"I'm-just-a-stowaway-don't-hurt-me-please!" He said in a slightly hysteric voice, hunching his shoulder.

"Don't fuck with us!" Zoro said, towering over the little man. "You were watching me when I was in the bath this morning!"

The little man's shoulders seemed to hunch even higher.

"I'm sorry! I didn't think you'd notice!" He said, sounding more and more panicked. "I'm a pervert, ok? I like watching people. What you don't know won't kill you, and my power is useful for that. Please don't kill me!"

Zoro already had a hand on his swords. He looked ready to unsheathe and but the guy. Everyone else looked positively repulsed, aside from Chopper, who was busy checking Sanji for other injuries. Usopp looked like he was about to retch, and Nami had taken a step backwards. Even Robin's usual soft chuckles sounded slightly strained.

Behind Nami, Sanji's skin had turned green. He'd taken a bath in the morning, right before Zoro.

But Luffy laughed.

"Haha, you're an interesting guy! Hey, do you sing? I'm looking for a musician. Join my crew!"

For a while, there was only silence.

It didn't last.

"HELL NO!"

"No way! Luffy, that's disgusting!"

"Luffy NO!"

Several crew members had shouted simultaneously. Then, it all happened quickly. After a glance to the cook, who nodded his approval, Zoro threw Goki Buri towards Sanji, who kicked him so hard he soon was a tiny dot in the sky.

"Guys, why did you kick him away?" Luffy whined as he snaked his arms around Zoro's leg. "I wanted a musician!"

The swordsman massaged his temples and sighed.

"Look, I don't mind, but I can't get behind that if you want to recruit such a pervert."

Luffy was already grinning again.

"Then I'll make sure to find someone who asks before peeking!"

_Oh, if only they'd known._

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><p><em>"Prompt thing: One piece Luzo A bug, really just a devil fruit user in disguise, visits the ship and all of the sudden zoro won't leave the gym cause "the bug is out to get him". Is he right?"<em>


	4. The focused and the whimsical

_This is from the Mini-Fic Mondays I hold over at my tumblr (you'll find the link in my profile)._

_This is my first time writing actual ZoLu/LuZo. I hope I don't suck at it too bad._

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><p>"What the hell was that?"<p>

"Whaw waw whaw?" Luffy said, looking up at Zoro, not even bothering to take his mouth off him.

Zoro glared at him.

"Oi", he growled. "Teeth."

"Hmm-hmm."

Luffy closed his eyes again and went back to the task at hand. Zoro let his head fall back against the cushioned bench and sighed. Obviously, his captain and partner hadn't heard anything suspicious. Luffy wasn't very careful about his teeth, but he was pretty good with his tongue, and his mouth was so damn warm it made Zoro's head feel fuzzy. His unfocused mind was most likely playing tricks on him.

… Or maybe it wasn't.

"Oi, you heard that?" He asked again.

This time, Luffy raised his head, his eyes questioning, and started to slightly stroke Zoro's cock with a steady and warm fingers.

"Heard what?"

Zoro's eyes narrowed as he scanned their surroundings. They were in the training room up the main mast, and as far as he knew, they were alone.

He was pretty sure he'd heard something though.

"Something was –" he started, pausing to find the right way to describe the sound "– rustling."

Luffy blinked.

"We can stop if you want," he said, tightening his hold around the other man's cock.

Zoro's breath hitched ever so slightly, before he let out a faint groan.

"Don't be an idiot."

He grabbed Luffy buy the front of his sleeveless jacket and pulled until he was straddling his thighs and their foreheads were touching. He put his hands on Luffy's slim hips and motioned him so their cocks were brushing against each other.

Luffy put his hands on Zoro's shoulders, brushing his thumbs into the dips of his clavicles to encourage him. When Zoro repeated the motion, he let out a groan that had Zoro's lips twist into a small grin.

"Like either of us could stop now."

Luffy adjusted his hold on Zoro's shoulders and quickened the pace. Before long, the swordsman's hands were holding onto Luffy's hips to slow him down, because it was too much, too soon, and he didn't want to come undone just yet.

It was always like this. Luffy rarely got in the mood on his own, and Zoro felt lucky when he managed to get him to sit down long enough for it. But once he got in the mood, Luffy became very eager to get them both off.

Luffy's fingers started digging into Zoro's shoulders. He was breathing harshly, his eyes closed and his forehead was covered by a sheen of sweat. He seemed close, and Zoro knew he wouldn't last either. He relaxed his hold on Luffy's hips so he could go wild, if he wanted to, but already, their rhythm was stuttering.

It was good. It was all very good, but it wasn't enough. Zoro sneaked a hand between them and grabbed them both in a firm hold. Luffy rested his head on Zoro's shoulder, tensing and letting out a gasp, followed by a stifled whine, and Zoro was coming in successive waves of white, hot, liquid bliss.

Luffy, who'd been slightly ahead of him, stole the last of his gasps from his lips with a messy kiss.

They were catching their breath, slowly coming down, when Zoro heard it again.

"Oh," Luffy said.

Zoro perked up at that. Obviously, Luffy had heard it too this time, so he was definitely not dreaming.

Luffy stood up from their spot against the bench. He pulled his pants back up and stretched. Zoro absentmindedly thought that he looked like a very content cat in the sun. His captain then casually walked towards some secluded corner of the room. He seemed to look intently in the dark, and soon started laughing.

"Shishishi, so naughty."

That rustling again. And a flurry of delicate flower petals.

Luffy's laugh echoed in the room again.

Zoro felt his throat go dry.

"Holy shit."

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><p><em>Prompt : ZoLu "holy shit what was that?"<em>


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